


Detour

by ObsidianRomance



Series: Wrong Way [4]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Adoreable Kids, Anal Sex, Awesome husband Jared, Childbirth, Established Relationship, Grumpy Jensen, Irrational Jensen, Jensen hates being pregnant, Light Smut, M/M, Mpreg, Post Mpreg Jared, Post Mpreg Jensen, mpreg!Jensen, schmoopy feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 20:14:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8071141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsidianRomance/pseuds/ObsidianRomance
Summary: Jensen really hates being pregnant.....which is why he has no idea how it happened again.





	

On the seventh morning of feeling like utter and complete shit, Jensen gets a sinking feeling in his stomach. Not only has work been bogging him down over the past two weeks, but Shane had picked this week to stop sleeping in his own bed in favor of crawling his way onto the one he shared with Jared. While Jensen finds this incredibly endearing - oh my god, could his child be any sweeter - it is becoming a nasty habit to break, a habit filled with tears and temper tantrums. As if their kids plotted their sleepless nights together, Chloe finally starts teething around the same time and Jensen wants to kill himself. Jared is trying to help, but Shane also decides this week is when he is going to glue himself to Jensen’s side and pull on every heartstring the man has. Death would be easier than saying no to his son. 

Why did they decide to have two kids again? He thought it sounded like a good idea at the time, but now he isn’t so sure. People who have more than two children are saints, or mentally insane. So after retching into the toilet…again…he rips open a pregnancy test and prays that it comes up negative.

Jensen swears he remembers threatening Jared’s manhood if he ever got him pregnant again. Actually, he remembers the exact words he coolly threatened his husband with right after Shane’s birth. Which explains why, when Jensen finds himself pregnant again, just a month shy of Shane’s third birthday and a year after Jared effortlessly delivered their baby girl, Chloe, Jensen decides his husband either has a death wish or super sperm. 

Jensen is putting his money down on both options actually, because three pregnancy tests later and they are all coming up mockingly positive. He curses up a storm, glad Shane is too transfixed with his building blocks in the other room to take any notice. He snaps one stick in half out of anger, but then feels stupid because he is the one that has to clean it up before one of their handsy kids gets to it. The situation sucks, but the baby doesn’t, so he tries to keep himself from going too far off the anger deep end. Three is the absolute perfect number of kids; he is sure he always thought that. They had always wanted three, right? Of course they did.

When Jared comes home after picking Chloe up from daycare, Jensen makes sure he is waiting for him just inside their front door. Before his husband has a chance to say anything, Jensen plucks their fidgeting one year old out of his arms, props her against his own hip, and punches Jared hard. One swift move has Jensen’s fist traveling against the left side of Jared’s jaw. Jensen doesn’t stay for the aftermath, choosing to spin on his heels and retreat into the playroom with Chloe, but he makes sure to toss the pregnancy test over his shoulder before he does.

He realizes he shouldn’t have punched Jared. Well, more accurately, Jensen shouldn’t have punched Jared in front of Chloe, because their perfect angel is laughing hysterically and punching at Jensen’s face with weak jabs. Jensen tries to rationalize with her over the fact that punching is bad, not allowed unless someone deserves it like her daddy did, but then he remembers he is rationalizing with a one year old.

Jensen isn’t sure how he expects Jared to react to the punch, but he definitely didn’t predict him popping up in the playroom while simultaneously rubbing his jaw and grinning ear to ear. Jared looks like an idiot, smiling as he holds the test up and asks, “Really?” 

Obviously, Jensen wouldn’t have punched Jared if he wasn’t certain. He is so angry right now but Jared is looking at him with utter adoration and excitement in his eyes; it must be extremely contagious because suddenly Jensen is smiling too and apologizing for punching his husband. He ends up kissing Jared silly, but pulls away and slaps his husband’s stupidly gorgeous face before he runs out of the room to throw up again.

It took Jensen two years to forget how much being pregnant sucked, but it takes him one hour to recall all of the hate he thought he buried for good. He doesn’t even know how this ended up happening, because they were being extremely safe, and Jared usually bottomed. None of it makes any sense. Less than twenty-four hours after learning about its existence, Jensen already loves this baby, so he stops questioning how it came into being. But if Jared makes a joke about his amazing sperm one more time, said amazing sperm are going to be find themselves on the endangered species list.

Jensen quickly finds out that being pregnant a second time is like the first time…but worse. He isn’t as sick as he was with Shane, but he is exhausted. He is glad no one warned him how exhausting being pregnant while having two kids is because he would have ripped Jared’s balls off three years ago. He learned early on that there is no use in using logic with kids, but he hoped Shane was old enough to understand that his Papa was too tired to play with him. He’s wrong, of course. Shane is old enough to understand that his father is pregnant, but that doesn’t mean he likes it. Jensen’s heart breaks when Shane cries and tells him that he is his daddies’ baby and they don’t need another one. 

He lets Shane sleep in their bed that night and takes the next day off from work so they can have “Shane Day”. He is glad Shane forgets about the baby and decides to focus on the fact that Chloe still had to go to daycare so he has his Papa all to himself. Some people call Shane a “Papa’s Boy”, but Jensen calls him perfect.

After three months, Jensen thinks everything is going to be okay since he has been feeling good. That feeling stops a week later when he goes for his first ultrasound and the doctor tells him that second babies are usually bigger than the first. Since he had a little trouble delivering Shane, they talk about inducing him a week early so that he can deliver naturally. Jensen shivers when he thinks about giving birth to a bigger baby. Shane wasn’t huge, but it still wasn’t a joy ride. He hates his gigantic husband right now and is convinced that he and the doctor are plotting against him.

What saves Jared from weeks of insults about his height is something Jensen didn’t discover last time he was pregnant: Sex is amazing. Jensen isn’t sure if it is because he felt so shitty during this stage of his last pregnancy, or if he was just too pissed at Jared to notice, but their sex life is fantastic. The best part about it is that no matter how they do it, it feels just as amazing. The downside is that they learned the hard way to lock their door, because Jensen was balls deep in Jared one night when Shane came barging in. Shane’s complete obliviousness gave the disaster an easy fix, but it was a lesson they will never forget.  The next night, Jared locked the door firmly, double checking before he pounded his husband into the mattress, against the wall, and onto their night stand.

Jensen still hates pregnancy, but finding out they are having another girl is just as magical as the first time. She was being shy and it took them a few tries to see her gender, but she ultimately proves that she will also be a perfect child and listens to her parent’s wishes. He oddly reacts the same way he did in the past, crying a few tears before locking lips with his husband. He is aware of the ultrasound technician watching them, but he doesn’t care. Given their latest antics, she is lucky he isn’t making love to Jared right there. She should actually thank them for drawing the line at kissing. 

Not even amazing sex could save Jared from what happens next. Jensen’s belly pops much earlier than it had with Shane and by six months, his swollen middle is prominent and juts out in front of him. He absolutely hates feeling like a whale, but Jensen can handle that if it’s the price to pay for making sure their little girl is healthy. What he cannot handle is the fact that, when Chloe cries from waking up from her nap that afternoon, he realizes he cannot pick her up. Her mattress is too low in the crib, the siding is too high, and he can’t seem to bend over it with his big belly. So while Chloe continues to wail, so does Jensen because he cannot lean over the crib well enough to lift her up. Pregnancy sucks twice as much now and he misses comforting his daughter. 

Jared tries to save the day by scooping Chloe up and plopping her Jensen’s arms. It helps, but not much. Jensen’s already feels like the worst father because he needs help to comfort his own child. He glares at Jared, but snuggles Chloe, who is still in a sleepy state and happily nuzzles into his side. She makes Jensen laugh when she gives him a big sloppy kiss on the cheek and hugs his face. Earlier frustration of Jensen abandoning her in the crib forgotten, Chloe makes Jensen feel like everything will be okay. 

Unlike Shane, Chloe seems okay with the idea of having a new baby around. When Jensen puts her chubby hands on his belly, he thinks she understands that there is a baby growing inside him, that she’ll soon have a little sister to play with. He stops thinking this when she starts running up to everyone, pointing to their stomach, and saying “baby”. Jared finds it hilarious, but the woman who lives across the street from them disagrees. When Chloe ran up to her, smirked a gummy grin, and rubbed the overweight woman’s belly saying “baby”, Jared and Jensen started babbling apologies. The homophobic man they ran into at the supermarket also didn’t find it funny. This time, however, Jensen couldn’t help from laughing himself. Chloe may not understand pregnancy, but she has a firm grasp on comedic timing.

Even though Jensen knows he has been hell to deal with, he realizes how amazing Jared is being…again. Jared is taking everything in stride and keeps Jensen sane. It occurs to him one day that Shane must be picking up on that same ability. Even though Jensen is seven months pregnant, his morning sickness never got the memo about easing up after the first trimester. After dashing to the bathroom to empty the contents of his stomach, his vision comes back into focus and he realizes he left the door open. Shane is crouching down beside him, rubbing his back. He keeps telling Jensen, “you’ll feel better after your throw up” and “it is okay papa” and all the other reassurances that he and Jared tell Shane when he is sick. It is sweet and adorable and, even though Jensen wants to roll over and die, he pretends that Shane is the best doctor in the world and he feels 100% better.

Pregnancy stops sucking for an hour when Shane presses his baby face against Jensen’s baby belly and feels his little sister kick for the first time. He squeals with delight and pulls up Jensen’s shirt so he can kiss his sister. Clearly over his earlier trepidations, Shane thinks pregnancy is awesome and Jensen agrees until the baby kicks his bladder and makes him ruin their bonding moment.

At 36 weeks, Jensen’s doctor puts him on bed rest because of some nonsense about his blood pressure being too high. Nothing sucks as much as being pregnant, but bed rest is pretty high on the list. Aside from Jared being a mother hen, he can’t seem to get comfortable, and being confined to the bed – which is clearly the obvious source of his discomfort – is not helping. There must also be something wrong with the couch, because that is even worse than the bed. He is sure his unborn daughter is already perfect and would never cause him any purposeful discomfort. Regardless, he is miserable and snappy and he has no idea why Jared keeps buying him mint chocolate chip ice cream because he hates it. What he really wants is strawberry; shouldn’t Jared know that from last time? Right?

The doctor shouldn’t have worried about inducing him early because his water winds up breaking in the middle of the night about two weeks from his due date. He is confused and has no idea what happened at first because: A) He is embarrassed to even think he peed the bed. B) He feels a little achy but not labor achy, so he wasn’t expecting it. Somehow, Jared gets him cleaned up and dressed before his parents come over to watch their sleeping children. On the way to the hospital, Jensen is feeling good so far, making him believe his labor will be better than last time.

Unsurprisingly, he is wrong. By the time they get him into a hospital bed and hooked up to machines and needles he doesn’t care to think about, his contractions are hitting him like tidal waves. Some of the nurses remember him from last time and they steer clear. Some of the new ones don’t know any better, and when they come to check on him, he gives them an ear full about what he thinks of his situation and his no good excuse for a husband.

Jensen is going at this without any pain relief…again. He’s proven allergic to several options and he decides that he did it once before, he can do it again. At his admittance of this, he thinks he sees Jared praying for his life but isn’t sure. They are a few hours in and Jensen is trying to judge how much longer he thinks his labor is going to last based on how much he hates his husband. He is hovering around ‘maim’, so he figures it should be a couple more hours before their baby makes her appearance.

Jensen’s ‘hate-o-meter’ must be broken because he is barely 8cm dilated and Jared’s hovering presence is making him want to kill him. When his husband tries to comfort Jensen by saying that he went through this too so he understands his pain, Jensen tells him to shut up because he had pain relief and pushed for like 15 minutes. Half of Jensen’s brain realizes he is being a monster, but the other half doesn’t give a shit. He cries out on the next contraction and Jared is right there. Jared tells him it will be okay and Jensen tells him he loves him – because he does – but he is going to kill him.

When the doctor finally gives the okay to start pushing, it takes Jensen one push to remember how much pushing sucks. It actually only took half a push for him to remember it and the other half to tell Jared how much he remembers it. He is already exhausted and he asks the doctor if they can take a rain check on this whole pushing thing. The doctor laughs, but Jensen is glowering at him with daggers in his eyes and he looks like his death threats might actually be legit. The doctor stops laughing.

After an hour of pushing, the doctor says Jensen might want to consider a cesarean section since the baby might be too big and Jensen is having a hard time clearing her head. Jensen actually kicks the doctor before he freaks out. His heart drops out and he panics over the baby’s wellbeing.  Assured that her heart rate and other vitals are fine, he goes back to being angry. They are not cutting him open. He takes back everything he has said about pushing in the past. Pushing doesn’t suck, it’s awesome; he could do it all day if they just don’t cut him open. So when the doctor says they will give him another 20 minutes, Jensen makes the most of it and pushes hard. He doesn’t scream at Jared because he made a deal with the labor gods and he is determined to keep his end of the ‘labor-doesn’t-suck’ bargain.

He considers his end of the deal met when, to the doctor’s surprise, the baby starts crowning 18 minutes later. While pushing might be off the suck list, crowning is back on with a vengeance. Jensen destroys Jared’s hand as he feels that familiar stretch and burn. Regardless of that, when he asks Jared if he can have the baby for him, Jensen recognizes the absolute sincerity in his husband’s voice when Jared tells him he wishes he could.

Upon hearing the nurse exclaim that the baby has a big head, Jensen makes a wish that there is a special place in hell for her. When the doctor says it too, several minutes later, he lets out a stream of curses that would make a sailor blush. Fisting Jared’s shirt, he pulls his husband closer and tell him he is getting a vasectomy…now! Why not? They are in a hospital; they are surrounded by medical professionals. When Jared laughs, Jensen tells him with bone-chilling sincerity that he is not kidding.

Things get hazy after that. Jensen doesn’t remember everything but Jared won’t let him forget what he did next. On a particularly intense push, he pitched forward into Jared’s arms. He doesn’t know what made him feel it was a good idea, but he ends up biting down on Jared’s shoulder…hard. They both scream, but in the end, their daughter’s head is out.

Jensen thinks that is about the part where he started threatening the hospital staff to “just get her the fuck out already” or he would shoot them all to a slow painful death. They keep telling him that he needs to help her out himself, just push a little more. Who hired these people? Clearly he is the only one doing any work around here. He knows they probably hate him, but it doesn’t matter. Insane Jensen will be gone soon, just as soon as he can push her shoulders out. He wants to make a snippy remark about Jared’s size, but focuses on pushing before the hospital staff turn on him in the name of mutiny and kill him.

A few death threats and two herculean pushes later, Sophia is screaming her head off on Jensen’s chest. He feels like shit but Sophia is beautiful, a little smushed looking, but beautiful. It turns out she weighs 8 lbs, 8 oz, and even though Jensen felt every ounce of that, he nuzzles her face and can’t get enough of his new daughter.

Jared is on damage control, trying to apologize for Jensen’s outrageous behavior. Jensen’s brain is far away from that. He is too preoccupied with the perfect creature he created.

Jared tries to correct him and says, “we created her” but Jensen throws him a glare. He is still riding the edge of pain and tells his husband that if Jared wanted to create something, he should have been the one getting pregnant again. Jensen winds up apologizing for that comment because, when Jared finally gets a chance to hold his new daughter, Jensen realizes he has never loved them more. They look perfect together, and in a repeat performance of his post birth apologies after Shane’s arrival, Jensen keeps babbling about how sorry he is.

They take their time being just the three of them, but both men are aware of all the people dying to meet Sophia. Jared brings their kids in first, and Chloe is like a bull in a china shop, plowing forward while trying to get to her papa. Jared catches her by the back of her shirt and helps her scamper up the bed and hug Jensen. Shane is more hesitant, he hides behind Jared’s legs, but as soon as Jared scoops him up and puts him on the bed next to Jensen, he attaches himself to his other father’s side.

Jensen was away from his children for less than a day, he’s been away from them for longer than that in the past, but he has never missed them this much. He is afraid that he can’t love a new baby as much as he loves his perfect kids already, but he is proven wrong the minute Jared puts Sophia in his arms. He realizes he has already been loving three kids since learning of Sophia’s conception. Now that she is here, Jensen knows he’s got to share her. He isn’t sure how keen he is on the sharing part just yet, but give him a few sleepless nights and he’ll let anyone take her.

Shane is ignoring his new sister, or at least Jensen thinks he is, but Jared realizes he is just hiding in Jensen’s side and taking curious peeks at her. Chloe is doing the exact opposite. She keeps trying to get her hands on Sophia, and both her parents have to keep reminding her to be gentle. She is laughing and blowing kisses at the baby. When Jensen tries to get her to say Sophia or Sophie, it doesn’t work. Instead, Chloe settles on Dolly, a habit Jared tries to squash right then and there. But the blasted nickname sticks, because Shane surprises Jensen by detaching himself from his side, saying, “hi Dolly” and kissing the baby’s forehead.

Letting his new family bond, Jensen knows things are going to get more chaotic than the perfect moment they are having. He tilts his head to kiss Jared and thanks him for being part of said perfect moment. There isn’t anyone else in the world he would want beside him, and he is positive there isn’t anyone else in the world he would go through labor…twice…for. Three kids is the perfect amount. He has no idea what he was ever worried about in the first place. But then Shane pulls Chloe’s hair, and Chloe’s scream wakes Sophia, and he remembers. Three kids is still perfect, and Jared is still perfect, but perfection sometimes comes with trying moments. And Jensen is blissfully, happily okay with that.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Internal monologue and cranky Jensen is a lot of fun to write. As I have said, this is the first RPF mpreg I ever wrote and this version of Jensen was so much fun to play with that I used it to inspire other cranky mpreg!Jensen. Hope you enjoyed. One more installment of this 'verse!


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